Layoff trauma is a real thing. Many laid-off employees experience deep levels of stress without even realizing it.
Dr. Anne Justus, a clinical psychologist, recently helped us understand that we are going through the five stages of grief in waves that seem uncontrollable.
5 Stages of Layoff Grief
Here is what happened to me. I know you can relate.
1. Denial
Denial is not just a river in Egypt. People can cling to a false, preferable reality. I know I didn’t want to believe Stop Work Orders really meant that. People may also isolate themselves, avoiding others who have accepted what is happening. I lost a few friends in February who didn’t want to accept that our world had changed.
2. Anger
The first weeks of this chaos, I slept poorly, ate worse, and snapped at my family. I then realized I was angry. I apologized and explained why I was irate. I am still mad that my life was thrown into chaos. If you’re mad, you may want to protest on Saturday.
3. Bargaining
I don’t think I entertained this stage. I know there is no bargaining with this Administration. Others I see are trying to negotiate the funding freezes and layoffs. Sadly, I don’t see much impact from their efforts.
4. Depression
Every so often I find myself in tears, wondering, “Why bother trying? No one will hire me!" Then I remember that depression will not end well for me. That I need to talk with Wysa and get back into the job search process.
5. Acceptance
This is where I am most of the time now. I know it's going to be okay - some day soon. I’ll get a new job, in a new industry. This gives me the calmness I need to take action.
What Are Normal Emotions in a Layoff?
It’s normal to feel like you’ve been expelled from a community, labeled as ‘toxic’ by others - especially when agencies make announcements that they are laying off staff who have been poorly using resources.
It’s normal to feel the desire to self-isolate, and feel heartbroken – like you might after a romantic breakup. On top of this many people report that former colleagues have ‘ghosted’ them after they were laid off, thus adding to the feeling of being seen as ‘toxic.’
Dr. Justus explained that without the tools to move through this we often feel stuck. Society’s expectations of ‘pulling up your boot straps’ and starting networking can leave you feeling both a sense of invalidation and defeat.
5 Steps to Move Forward:
1. Acknowledge the stress
Understand that you are grieving and in deep stress. Stress produces cortisol, and scientists can actually measure our stress levels from the cortisol levels in our blood and tears.
Stress means we sleep less and feel more tired, which makes us more emotional. Stress can cause us to eat more (or not at all), and our body will hoard food as fat. Worse, you don’t have energy to work out.
We need to seek support from friends, therapists, or coaches. Connecting with other humans to start the process of acknowledgment. That you are experiencing trauma. That mass layoffs are a mass trauma event.
2. Focus on healing your mind, body, and spirit.
This looks different for everyone. Here are some examples:
Mind: write a journal of your thoughts – even if it’s just writing in pure rage, seek psychotherapy, seek executive coaching. You can write a positive LinkedIn review about a former colleague on the great work you’ve witnessed them accomplish
Body: release the negative emotions through exercise, yoga, spending time in nature, acupuncture, avoiding harmful numbing behaviors (ex. excessive use of alcohol - oops!)
Spirit: energy work (ex. Reiki), engaging in spiritual communities, meditation/yoga
3. Rebuild your confidence
Remind yourself that layoffs are business decisions, not personal performance decisions. Talk to former coworkers about your strengths and contributions when you worked together.
Reread positive performance reviews. Print and tape positive reviews, or snippets of them, on your computer screen or in your home office.
These little reminders can make a significant difference in rebuilding our confidence and self-esteem.
4. Create a 360 report
Help yourself gather positive feedback. Ask yourself and others:
What are my greatest strengths?
How do you feel after spending time with me?
How would you describe me to others?
Collect and review these responses to reaffirm your value and to examine things you may want to change.
5. Form a Personal Board of Advisors
Identify trusted individuals for guidance and support. These people could include executive coaches, spiritual guides, mentors, close friends, etc.
You want to gather people who remind you of your worth while also give you honest feedback and advice. Empower them to support you - and keep you focused on moving forward.
Your Emotions Are Valid
No matter where you are in the grieving process or rebounding from it, accept that your journey is yours. You will progress at your own speed.
And you will regress.
I started Career Pivot the day after I was laid off. Many people were surprised at my resilience. They thought I went through all five stages of grief in a day. Ha! I was in denial about my own denial, anger, and depression.
Since then, some days have been great. I’m enjoying writing April Fools posts. Other days… Well, this job search journey will not be linear for any of us.
Thank you so much for including content like this!! While I love all the practical/tactical job stuff, I *so* appreciate talking about the emotional side as well. Love it!
This was exactly what I needed today. Thank you.