Ghosted! What I Really Want to Say to Recruiters

You know you want to write the same email too. Maybe even send it once (or thrice!)

A non-response crushes me.

We send out applications like messages in bottles, hoping someone, somewhere, will acknowledge we exist. Instead, we get silence.

Complete, deafening, silence.

Ghosting makes me question everything I thought I knew about professional courtesy. About how companies work. About basic human decency.

Ghost Zone: Where Applications Die

I've been there. We've all been there.

You spend hours crafting the perfect application. You research the organization, tailor your cover letter, and submit everything with hope in your heart. Then nothing. Days turn into weeks. Weeks turn into months.

The worst part?

You start checking your spam folder obsessively, wondering if maybe, just maybe, you missed something. You refresh your email every hour. You wonder if there's something wrong with your application system, your internet, your entire existence.

And yet, nothing.

There is no shame in feeling crushed by this silence. There is no shame in taking it personally, even when everyone tells you not to. I hate getting crushed by silence too!

The Psychological Warfare of Silence

But how does this actually affect us day to day?

Research from organizational psychology shows that uncertainty is more stressful than negative feedback. When Dr. Kipling Williams studied workplace ostracism at Purdue University, he found that being ignored activates the same pain receptors in our brains as physical injury.

We know this in our bones, don't we?

The automated rejection email feels like relief compared to the void. At least rejection gives us closure. At least it lets us move on. The silence keeps us suspended in limbo, second-guessing every choice we make.

Ghosting isn't just rude. It's psychologically damaging.

Ghosting Tells You About Company Culture

When organizations ghost applicants, they're revealing their true values.

They're showing us that efficiency matters more than humanity. That their time is more valuable than ours. That basic courtesy is optional when you hold the power.

Think about it: If they can't manage a simple acknowledgment email during the hiring process, how will they handle communication when you're an employee? If they don't respect your time as an applicant, will they respect it when you're on their team?

Ghosting is a red flag disguised as administrative oversight.

The organizations that ghosted me. I heard stories. I learned truths. I was better off not working there. Better off being unemployed, even.

Organizations that ghost applicants often have other problems. High turnover. Poor internal communication. Managers who disappear when employees need support.

The same disregard for human dignity that allows ghosting during hiring shows up in how they treat their workforce. If you’re ghosted, mark them as employers of never resort.

What I Really Want to Tell These Recruiters

Here's what I want to say when I’m lying awake at 3 AM, replaying every interaction in a fog of jet lag:

Do you realize what you're doing to us?

Do you understand that behind every application is a human being who spent time researching your organization, someone who got excited about contributing to your mission?

Do you know that your silence makes us question our worth?

I want to tell them that their silence sends a message louder than any rejection letter ever could. It says: "You don't matter enough for us to spend 30 seconds acknowledging your existence."

However, I usually swallow these words. I stay professional. I keep applying elsewhere.

But sometimes, late at night, I draft emails I'll never send.

The Dream Email I Want to Send

---

About That Position I Applied For (The One You Never Acknowledged)

Dear Hiring Manager,

I applied for [Position] at your organization several months ago. I never heard back from you – not even an automated response confirming you received my application.

I'm writing to let you know that even if you reached out today offering me the position, I would decline.

Your silence told me everything I needed to know about how you treat people. If this is how you handle applicants – people who are interested enough in your work to invest time and energy in applying – I can only imagine how you treat employees.

It is okay to reject candidates. Not everyone is a good fit. It is not okay to pretend they don't exist.

Clear communication is important — both as a courtesy to candidates and as a reflection of your organization's leadership standards.

Your ghosting revealed your company culture more clearly than any values statement on your website ever could. It showed me that basic courtesy isn't a priority for your organization. It demonstrated that you don't see job seekers as fellow human beings deserving of respect.

I've moved on to organizations that understand that how you treat people during the hiring process reflects how you'll treat them as employees. Companies that recognize that a simple "thank you for your interest, but we're moving forward with other candidates" takes seconds to send.

I hope you'll consider changing this practice for future applicants. The person whose email you ignored today might be exactly who you need tomorrow – but they'll remember how you made them feel.

Oh yeah, and [beep!] you.

Sincerely,

Frustrated Applicant

---

Protect Your Sanity

We need strategies to survive this broken system.

Set application limits. Don't spend more than 30 minutes on any single application (unless it's truly your dream role). The organizations that ghost you don't deserve hours of your carefully crafted prose.

Create your own closure. Give yourself permission to consider any application unanswered after two weeks as a "no." Move on. There are organizations out there that will treat you with the respect you deserve.

Build a support network. Connect with other job seekers who understand this frustration. Share the wins and losses. Remind each other that ghosting says nothing about your worth and everything about their character.

Focus on organizations that demonstrate respect throughout their hiring process. Look for companies that acknowledge receipt of applications, provide timelines for decisions, and communicate clearly about next steps.

You Deserve Better

The silence hurts. The uncertainty is exhausting. The disrespect is infuriating.

But here's what we know: Organizations that ghost applicants are telling us exactly who they are. We should believe them.

We should expect basic human courtesy. Expect organizations to treat us with dignity. And expect to walk away from opportunities with organizations that can't manage simple respect.

We deserve better than silence. We deserve better than wondering. We deserve better than organizations that see us as disposable from the very first interaction.

The right opportunity will come from people who understand that how you treat people matters – especially when you think no one is watching.

Keep applying. Keep hoping.

But never settle for being treated as if you don't exist.